Cabin

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i want to live in a cabin
deep inside a nordic forest, which has no roads
the purpose of the cabin, is to find peace.
a place of eternal rest, where no one cares if i am dead or alive.
a place where loneliness is your only friend

the path to the top is lonely, I'll live with it
but the path to the top is also lonely, hopeless even, what about that?

if pain is the way to pleasure
then why arent the ones who inherit pleasure subject to pain?

why is it that the rich get richer and the poor get poorer drowning in poverty until their lungs give up mid breath

i understand that the world isnt fair
but why is it this unfair?
where a person cannot pursue his own dreams

he will reach and reach and reach but will be pushed down the cliff of success at the last moment before reenacting the creation of adam that michelangelo depicted

like sisyphus, but camus realised him wrong, he isnt happy, but he tries to be happy
he pretends until he cannot anymore, he wants to crush himself with the same stone but the thought of still achieving, it keeps him pushing through but,

how long?
im only alive because people depend on me
i have exhausted reasons and alibis to keep me from slamming myself into the door of death and bleeding slowly, excruciating pain which makes me unable to scream so i just flop around and whimper

in agony
maybe that is where i find peace

bee.

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